Thursday, August 19, 2010

The Smell

You take your old car to the oil-change place.  They tell you oil is streaming from a hole in the oil pan. They recommend a repair shop two blocks away.  You wonder if it's owned by their brother-in-law who needs a new boat.

The dealership to which you have the car towed calls and says a new engine is $3,000-$5,000; the current value of your vehicle is $50.

Three days later, you're driving a new car.  New to you, that is.  It could have been worse-- the car you located had 13,000 miles, great price, great condition.  They also guaranteed to remove the Cigarette Smell to your satisfaction.

First Stage: 
When you pick up the car, you can no longer see the air inside and the Smell is down to a whisper.  You drive 200 miles blasting outside air through the cabin.

Second Stage:
The next morning the Smell lurks and the big-city dealership is hours away.  You hang a tree-shaped car deodorizer labeled New Car Scent from the rear-view mirror, open four boxes of baking soda, mist the seats and carpet with Febreeze, then blast outside air as you drive about your business.

Third Stage:  
When you next open the car, the Smell is overlaid by an aroma like rotting mango crossed with hot plastic.  You remove the New Car Scent tree.

Fourth Stage:
New Car Scent-the Smell permeates the garage.  You leave the garage door open when you go to spend $50 at the auto parts store.  When you get home, you change the car's air conditioning filter.  You squirt Auto-Febreeze until your finger cramps, douse the carpets with baking soda followed by vacuuming, put new soda cartons in side pockets, and add pronged odor-eater deodorizers to all air vents.  You roll down the car windows so that the seats can dry of Febreeze.
Fifth Stage:
You've banished New Car Scent but the Smell rises every time you get in the car.  You are not personally religious but you think perhaps the car is demon-Smell possessed.  You persuade a friend to "borrow" a bottle of holy water.  You hope you won't have to spray so much that you create a Mold problem, which might be worse than the Smell.  

And then you ask your friends:  Any other ideas?

Copyright 2009-2010 Kathleen Scott, for Hill Country Mysteries. Unauthorized reproduction is prohibited.
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